Why Same Sex Attraction?

Steve Behlke
March 31, 2009

I haven't written a blog for a long time. I haven't even read a blog for a long time.

Of all the things to start a blog on, why come back with this topic? It's not my greatest passion. It's not even a popular topic at all. In fact, it's almost a lose-lose subject to tackle.

But I had a conversation with someone this morning and she said that I should write down some of the things that I mentioned to her.

Hence, this blog. In it want to present what I believe is a Christian perspective on same-sex attraction. Christian or atheist, gay or straight, you may not agree, and I solicit your comments.

First, let me say, I'm not an authority on homosexuality or on the GLBT community. Hardly.

I do, however, consider myself a Christian theologian with a pastoral heart who has made the choice to live for Jesus in an area (Northampton, MA) that gives proud endorsement to the GLBT lifestyle.

As one of the spiritual leaders of a Christian community made up of loving people who have friends, family members, co-workers and neighbors who also happen to be gay or lesbian, this is an issue that we need to address.

The question: Why do certain people have same-sex attractions?

There are at least three popular views:

First, our gay and lesbian friends say being gay or lesbian is not a choice. Obviously, whether or not one engages in same-sex sexual activity is a choice, but this is a different matter. According to those with same-sex attraction, the attraction itself is not a choice but it is something they were born with. They insist that there was no choice in the matter just as I insist that I never debated or voted or decided to prefer a woman over a man. I just do!!!

A second view is that science has proven that there is a so-called "gay gene" with which gay and lesbian people are born. But the last I studied on this matter, it is still a highly disputed theory, not just in the theological community but also in the scientific community.

A third common view is the typical Christian reaction to these two views, that having a same-sex attraction is a personal choice.

Here's my understanding: Same sex-attraction is not a choice, it's an "attraction."

We do not choose who or what we are attracted to; desires and attractions are just that way. Desire and attraction almost seems to choose us. They are not rational decisions that we make.

For example, I didn't choose to be attracted to the beautiful woman that I now call my wife. I simply was attracted to her when I saw her. I was attracted to her long dark hair, her beautiful face, her fun-loving personality, and her incredible joy. I didn't make the choice that I would be attracted to her or to any of these qualities she possessed, I just was.

Am I saying that gay and lesbians are all born that way? I'm not saying that. I just don't see where the Bible says this cannot be so.

The argument waged by the other views goes like this: "If a person is born a certain way, then it is good and God's will that he or she live this way."

So, the GLBT community says, "We were born this way, it's our nature, thus it is only right that we live this way. Since God made us this way, God wants us to live this way."

To which the stereotypical Christian responds, "No, God doesn't want you to live this way. Therefore, you could not possibly have been born this way."

But I do not accept the first premise that just because one is born with a certain tendency it must be God's will for one to endulge that tendency. I was born with a proclivity to be selfish, greedy, proud, rebellious and stubborn. I do not claim that these are good or God-glorifying. They are corruptions to my nature, from which I seek freedom through Christ from their power and their consequences.

The question is, can a person be born with a same-sex attraction? Whatever the final answer is, I simply don't see the Bible's argument against this possibility.

To the Bible-believing people who want to follow Jesus and who happen to be reading this, we'll do well to remember the biblical teaching that every person since Adam and Eve first blew it in the Garden has been born broken, disconnected from God, and sinful in character. The Bible is clear on this. Jesus was clear on this.

We should also recall the biblical teaching that sin, which we're all born with, is a corruption of good and it affects mankind in every way (intellect, reason, will, desire, ability, passion, etc.). The concept of total depravity does not mean that all people are totally evil but that every aspect of our nature is affected to a degree by sin.

Bear in mind also, that all people are born with these ravaging affects of sin woven into our very nature. The Bible calls it the flesh (sarxe), also translated by some as sin nature.

Now then, if one subscribes to such a theology of human sinfulness and believes the corruption of sin has permeated each person's will, intellect, reason and desires, it is easy to see how sin has also affected people's sexual drive, sexual boundaries, and even some people's sexual identities and sexual attractions and preferences.

It really shouldn't surprise us that people are actually born with tendencies and proclivities and attractions that aren't holy, natural, or traditionally moral. It's a basic Christian doctrine.

Finally, in the pursuit of a biblical and rational reason why some people have a same-sex attraction, we should not overlook the power of outside influences, as well as, human reactions to those influences. I particularly have in mind our God-given needs and what happens in the human soul when those needs go unmet.

Regarding unmet needs: We all have needs for love and acceptance and security and approval and attention and protection. What happens when these basic human needs are not met by loving others? And what about the way we often react to our unmet needs, how might this affect one's deepest identity?

Take, for instance, a young woman who yearns, rightly so, for loving acceptance, affirmation, and attention of parents or male peers. But, say she finds and feels that her parents ignore her or guys find her unattractive. And, say, she is given a sense of great worth and affection from a woman who does love and accept her. She may not be born with a same-sex attraction but could it be nurtured through unmet needs and ungodly but very human reactions to her unmet needs?

In other instances, the need for affection and love and attention which goes unmet, may be misconstrued for a need for physical intimacy that is provided by a caring person of the same sex.

Regarding sins committed against us: Equally huge is the trauma that takes place in our fragile hearts when we are sinned against, particularly as young children, by those who are meant to love and bless and protect us? And what about the way we can so wrongly, so confusedly, react when we are sinned against?

Take, for instance, a young boy who might have been molested by a male family member. This is no fault of his own. This is a terrible evil perpetrated against him. If we're not careful or carefully shepherded through this process, this sin inflicted against him, huge as it is, may open him up to all sorts of unhealthy reactions. He may react with thoughts of shame, denial, self-loathing, revenge, guilt or rage. His entire "identity" and sexual behavior may be changed through this one incident and his response to it. The sins of others and our own reactions toward them have a powerful affect on our lives.

In conclusion, it is not unbiblical to assume that some people could actually be born with same-sex attractions. It may or may not be the case. But the fact is that our fallen nature affects us in many ways, why not here too.

It may also be the case that same-sex attraction is less a matter of nature and more a matter of nurture. Unmet needs; unhealthy reactions to our deepest needs that go unmet; the sins that others commit against us; and our own unhealthy reactions to the pain and evils that we innocently suffer at their hands, all may lead to a crisis of confusion in one's sexual identity and sexual preferences.

More to come if this is of interest and if it doesn't turn into a firestorm. But first let me hear from you.

Please refrain from hate speech of any kind in your responses toward the GLBT community or toward the Christian community. Such responses will not be posted.